You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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