there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize