are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
