ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
