I wish I could punch you in the face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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