i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize