Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize