I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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