I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
