gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
i think im in europe. pls send help
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
