I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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