Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
