don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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