Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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