I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize