i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
