so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
