so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
