This is not my ceiling
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
