There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
