he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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