So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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