It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
