apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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