They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
