Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize