He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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