I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
