So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
