I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize