I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
