Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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