is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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