so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
