too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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