Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize