my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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