Christians are straight up FREAKS
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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