I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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