just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
