i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
