And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Rumble strips road head = magical
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
