He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
