I think I just saw someone hide a body.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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