I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
