Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize