I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
