This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
