I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
