Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
