the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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