I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
