D3 body, D1 cock
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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