I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
