Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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