Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
