Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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