i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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