Small penises have feelings too.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
