he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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