...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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